Yesterday’s San Francisco Chronicle included this AP article about research on the self esteem of college students. Turns out they’ve got too much and it’s wrecking their ability to function in the interpersonal world. Here we have ourselves a case of unintended consequences. I came of age during the “human potential movement” which was followed by the “Me decade” which then spawned the “me generation”

We meant well.

Like our parents before us, we wanted our kids to have an easier life than we did — in whatever ways our lives had been hard. For many of us, that meant we wanted our children to grow up knowing they were cherished and that (as the Desiderata told us) they have a right to be here.

In December 2006, I was at the “Beyond The Bench” conference and attended an excellent presentation by Judge Len Edwards and Dr. David Arredondo in which they differentiated “self esteem” from “self worth”. Dr. Arredondo cited a study on gang members indicating that gang members have too much self esteem and too little self worth. This is a useful, long overdue distinction.

I would assert to you that, to instill true self worth in our children and selves, we must include relational and social responsibility in our definitions of self development and care. Self esteem comes from doing esteemable acts.